Friday, October 25, 2013

A tough month

I was laying in bed last night trying to think of funny things to tweet. I need funny right now. My mind has been so busy over thinking and worrying that I just haven't gotten much sleep lately.

It's been a tough month. 

My miscarriage started in mid September. By the beginning of October I was still miscarrying. It had been three weeks since the process first started and I was miserable. I didn't have the best of care from my doctor and I was at my wits end when they finally called asking for a follow up appointment. I happily made the appointment. I just wanted it all to be over with. I had been living on a cocktail of pain meds and 800mg ibuprofen around the clock for three weeks. It was taking its toll on me. If you've never had a miscarriage (I hope you never do) it literally feels like labor. Around the clock, non stop labor. Some women have it easier, but for me it was hell. At my appointment the doctor said a D&C was my best option at this point. So we scheduled surgery for the next week. 

Luckily, my parents came down to help because Josh had to work during the shutdown. Getting someone to take his spot for that day would take a miracle. So thankful for my parents. 

The drugs they give you right before surgery are magical. I said some things to my mom that I am quite embarrassed about now. Surgery went well. I was retaining placenta tissue and my body was having a hard time getting rid of everything. My pregnancy symptoms were even coming back. So it was a good thing I had the procedure. I feel 100 times better now. 

I am very apprehensive about getting pregnant in the future. I am terrified. I want another child so bad, but I am so afraid of going through this again. I have put it in God's hands. Just because I have had one miscarriage doesn't mean I will go on to have another. I have two healthy children. I am trying to look on the bright side. This has been emotionally draining. To top it off, I have a very sick grandpa who has been in and out of the hospital this year. 2013 has not been great, but I am looking towards the future and a promising new year. I am glad Halloween is coming and I can focus on the upcoming holidays. 

With all that being said.. I leave you with a beautiful picture of my two kids. It isn't perfect. They don't cooperate with me when I get my camera out, but they are perfect in my eyes. Good thing I got this picture on my computer when I did. My dog ate my sd card. That sounds like a sad country song. I should have tweeted that.