Loss

The one thing we all fear while pregnant has happened to me. About a week ago I started bleeding, and on Monday I lost the baby.

I am devastated. I am sad. I am angry. I am scared. I am all kinds of emotions right now. The only way to fully get out how I feel is to write about it.

I feel like miscarriage is such a taboo topic that no one really speaks about it. One in four women have had a miscarriage and yet you don't hear about it much. My heart is broken. I have been cut to the core over the loss of our 3rd child. I don't even know how to move on. I am terrified to try to get pregnant again. I don't want to go through this again. I know another pregnancy would cause me so much anxiety that I don't know how I would deal with it.

This has been a very painful experience both emotionally and physically. I would compare the pain to the pain I felt while in labor with Harper. It has been that intense. I have had days of no pain and then all of a sudden the pain is back again. It's like being on a roller coaster, but there is no reward in the end. 

The only thing I take comfort in is that I know my baby is in heaven with my grandparents and with Jesus. I am leaning on God as much as possible. My husband and family has been amazing during this terrible time. We have decided to try again for a baby once I get the go ahead from my doctor. Right now I am just trying to rest and get through this as well as I can. 

All I can ask is that if you read this send up some prayers for me and my family. We could really use all the extra love and prayers at this time. 

Surprise

It's been a whirlwind of a summer. It flew by in the blink of an eye. I fell off the blogging planet for a few months, and it felt good. Sometimes you need a long break to put things into perspective.

Landon starts 2nd grade tomorrow. SECOND GRADE. Time goes by too fast nowadays. In a few short months Harper will be two. A few months after that she will be a big sister. Yep. We are having another baby. So obviously we've been busy this past summer. Ha. This pregnancy was a surprise to say the least, but a happy one. I am due in April and over the moon happy. I have my moments where I freak out about taking care of and providing for three children, but it will be alright. This is all apart of the plan He has in store for us.

Other then getting some nausea at night, I am feeling pretty good. I'm sure that will change and it will get worse. I was pretty ill with Harper for the first 12 weeks, and after that I gagged the rest of my pregnancy over every little thing. Landon was easier in the beginning and towards the end it all went to hell and everything went wrong. I'll take being sick the whole pregnancy then what we went through with Landon. That was scary. I'll be sure to keep the blog updated more since we live away from our families. Let the over sharing pregnancy posts begin!

And just in case no one believes me, here is a picture of my pregnancy test! Haha.