Merry Christmas

I hope you and yours had a very Merry Christmas. I know we sure did. 

We are beyond blessed this Christmas season and so very thankful for it.

2 years old

My daughter is 2 years old today. I can not believe it.

 

What a difference two years makes!!

Harper,


The last two years have been such a blessing. You have brought so much light into our lives. Every single day is an adventure with you. I hope one day you read this and know how much you are loved.

You are the sassiest thing at times. It is your way or no way. I love that about you. You are saying so many words and sentences. It's amazing how smart you are. Your big brother is your best friend. You are always yelling for him and wanting to play with him. You have your daddy wrapped around your finger and you know it. Our lives are so complete with you. I am so blessed to have you as my daughter.

I can't wait for the years to come, to be able to see the little person you grow into. You are so beautiful and have such a bright future ahead of you. I love you more then I can ever express. You and your brother are my heart.

Lot's of love,

Your momma

Happy Halloween

If you know me then you know that I take Halloween a little overboard. Luckily, I have a husband who reigns me in and doesn't let me go too crazy. Otherwise the outside of this house would look like a haunted attraction.

This is our first year trick or treating in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood was hopping. Landon went as Optimus Prime and Harper was a kitty. I dressed up as a witch this year. After we came home we ended up having 30 trick or treaters, and I quit answering the door after 730. The streets were crazy until about 9. The kids got a lot of goodies. Josh and I stole some of their candy. Shh. We even took Lola. I didn't get many pics because it was so dark out. I hope you and yours had a great Halloween. I am looking forward to this month and Thanksgiving!!

Here are some pics from the past month..

A tough month

I was laying in bed last night trying to think of funny things to tweet. I need funny right now. My mind has been so busy over thinking and worrying that I just haven't gotten much sleep lately.

It's been a tough month. 

My miscarriage started in mid September. By the beginning of October I was still miscarrying. It had been three weeks since the process first started and I was miserable. I didn't have the best of care from my doctor and I was at my wits end when they finally called asking for a follow up appointment. I happily made the appointment. I just wanted it all to be over with. I had been living on a cocktail of pain meds and 800mg ibuprofen around the clock for three weeks. It was taking its toll on me. If you've never had a miscarriage (I hope you never do) it literally feels like labor. Around the clock, non stop labor. Some women have it easier, but for me it was hell. At my appointment the doctor said a D&C was my best option at this point. So we scheduled surgery for the next week. 

Luckily, my parents came down to help because Josh had to work during the shutdown. Getting someone to take his spot for that day would take a miracle. So thankful for my parents. 

The drugs they give you right before surgery are magical. I said some things to my mom that I am quite embarrassed about now. Surgery went well. I was retaining placenta tissue and my body was having a hard time getting rid of everything. My pregnancy symptoms were even coming back. So it was a good thing I had the procedure. I feel 100 times better now. 

I am very apprehensive about getting pregnant in the future. I am terrified. I want another child so bad, but I am so afraid of going through this again. I have put it in God's hands. Just because I have had one miscarriage doesn't mean I will go on to have another. I have two healthy children. I am trying to look on the bright side. This has been emotionally draining. To top it off, I have a very sick grandpa who has been in and out of the hospital this year. 2013 has not been great, but I am looking towards the future and a promising new year. I am glad Halloween is coming and I can focus on the upcoming holidays. 

With all that being said.. I leave you with a beautiful picture of my two kids. It isn't perfect. They don't cooperate with me when I get my camera out, but they are perfect in my eyes. Good thing I got this picture on my computer when I did. My dog ate my sd card. That sounds like a sad country song. I should have tweeted that. 

X

Loss

The one thing we all fear while pregnant has happened to me. About a week ago I started bleeding, and on Monday I lost the baby.

I am devastated. I am sad. I am angry. I am scared. I am all kinds of emotions right now. The only way to fully get out how I feel is to write about it.

I feel like miscarriage is such a taboo topic that no one really speaks about it. One in four women have had a miscarriage and yet you don't hear about it much. My heart is broken. I have been cut to the core over the loss of our 3rd child. I don't even know how to move on. I am terrified to try to get pregnant again. I don't want to go through this again. I know another pregnancy would cause me so much anxiety that I don't know how I would deal with it.

This has been a very painful experience both emotionally and physically. I would compare the pain to the pain I felt while in labor with Harper. It has been that intense. I have had days of no pain and then all of a sudden the pain is back again. It's like being on a roller coaster, but there is no reward in the end. 

The only thing I take comfort in is that I know my baby is in heaven with my grandparents and with Jesus. I am leaning on God as much as possible. My husband and family has been amazing during this terrible time. We have decided to try again for a baby once I get the go ahead from my doctor. Right now I am just trying to rest and get through this as well as I can. 

All I can ask is that if you read this send up some prayers for me and my family. We could really use all the extra love and prayers at this time. 

Surprise

It's been a whirlwind of a summer. It flew by in the blink of an eye. I fell off the blogging planet for a few months, and it felt good. Sometimes you need a long break to put things into perspective.

Landon starts 2nd grade tomorrow. SECOND GRADE. Time goes by too fast nowadays. In a few short months Harper will be two. A few months after that she will be a big sister. Yep. We are having another baby. So obviously we've been busy this past summer. Ha. This pregnancy was a surprise to say the least, but a happy one. I am due in April and over the moon happy. I have my moments where I freak out about taking care of and providing for three children, but it will be alright. This is all apart of the plan He has in store for us.

Other then getting some nausea at night, I am feeling pretty good. I'm sure that will change and it will get worse. I was pretty ill with Harper for the first 12 weeks, and after that I gagged the rest of my pregnancy over every little thing. Landon was easier in the beginning and towards the end it all went to hell and everything went wrong. I'll take being sick the whole pregnancy then what we went through with Landon. That was scary. I'll be sure to keep the blog updated more since we live away from our families. Let the over sharing pregnancy posts begin!

And just in case no one believes me, here is a picture of my pregnancy test! Haha.

First Grade Field Trip

My husband took the day off last Wednesday and we went on Landon's field trip together. We followed the bus because honestly who wants to ride with all those kids?! Just kidding (kind of). We went to Westmoreland Berry Farm where the kids learned about strawberries and how they grow. We picked strawberries and got to ride on a hay ride. It was a lot of fun but exhausting. We had to take Harper with us but she had a good time too.

It is hard to believe that the school year is coming to a close in just two weeks. I can't believe Landon will soon be a big 2nd grader. I don't know where the time went. It feels like he was just a baby and now he is 7 years old. I look at Harper sometimes and I think I just can't wait for her to be a little older so things will be easier. Then I have to kick myself because I know I will turn around and be going on her 1st grade trip too. Time flies by way too fast. I think it goes by quicker the older you get.

Here are a few photos from our day. They were all taken with my phone so they aren't great quality. We had a good time and the kids slept the whole way home.