Loss

The one thing we all fear while pregnant has happened to me. About a week ago I started bleeding, and on Monday I lost the baby.

I am devastated. I am sad. I am angry. I am scared. I am all kinds of emotions right now. The only way to fully get out how I feel is to write about it.

I feel like miscarriage is such a taboo topic that no one really speaks about it. One in four women have had a miscarriage and yet you don't hear about it much. My heart is broken. I have been cut to the core over the loss of our 3rd child. I don't even know how to move on. I am terrified to try to get pregnant again. I don't want to go through this again. I know another pregnancy would cause me so much anxiety that I don't know how I would deal with it.

This has been a very painful experience both emotionally and physically. I would compare the pain to the pain I felt while in labor with Harper. It has been that intense. I have had days of no pain and then all of a sudden the pain is back again. It's like being on a roller coaster, but there is no reward in the end. 

The only thing I take comfort in is that I know my baby is in heaven with my grandparents and with Jesus. I am leaning on God as much as possible. My husband and family has been amazing during this terrible time. We have decided to try again for a baby once I get the go ahead from my doctor. Right now I am just trying to rest and get through this as well as I can. 

All I can ask is that if you read this send up some prayers for me and my family. We could really use all the extra love and prayers at this time.