And then there were 5..

Mason was born October 6th weighing 8lbs 5ozs. It's been a whirlwind. It's a big adjustment going from 2 kids to 3 kids, but I can't imagine my life being different. I wonder how we lived before we had him. My family is complete. He was the missing piece to the puzzle.

Hello!

I had a whole blog post typed up and I deleted it. I have no excuse for not blogging for almost 6 months. I'm just lazy. I would rather have the convenience of checking my phone then getting out my computer to blog. But here I am.

So much has changed in the last 6 months. After my miscarriage I just wasn't sure if I would get pregnant again or if I would go on to have another loss. There is so much fear that comes after having a miscarriage. The thought of being pregnant again and going through what I went through again was stifling, but I found out I was pregnant at the end of January. We waited the recommended two months after my d&c to start trying again and I got pregnant the first month.

I am currently 18 weeks pregnant. I still have morning sickness. I live on zofran. I am tired, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am so happy this baby is healthy and this pregnancy is going well so far. I am blessed. The fear is definitely still there, but it gets easier with each day.

Me at 16 weeks with #3.

Landon is almost done with 2nd grade which is hard to believe. He made honor roll and is finally learning how to swim. Harper is still in my bed and I am going to start potty training soon. I hope that she will be out of our bed and potty trained by fall. It's been bittersweet because I know this is my last pregnancy. Three children is enough for us. Other then a few hiccups here and there the past few months things have been going well. I am way too tired to keep up with the laundry, but what else is new? 

Here's to hoping I blog again before this baby is born!! 

Merry Christmas

I hope you and yours had a very Merry Christmas. I know we sure did. 

We are beyond blessed this Christmas season and so very thankful for it.

2 years old

My daughter is 2 years old today. I can not believe it.

 

What a difference two years makes!!

Harper,


The last two years have been such a blessing. You have brought so much light into our lives. Every single day is an adventure with you. I hope one day you read this and know how much you are loved.

You are the sassiest thing at times. It is your way or no way. I love that about you. You are saying so many words and sentences. It's amazing how smart you are. Your big brother is your best friend. You are always yelling for him and wanting to play with him. You have your daddy wrapped around your finger and you know it. Our lives are so complete with you. I am so blessed to have you as my daughter.

I can't wait for the years to come, to be able to see the little person you grow into. You are so beautiful and have such a bright future ahead of you. I love you more then I can ever express. You and your brother are my heart.

Lot's of love,

Your momma

Happy Halloween

If you know me then you know that I take Halloween a little overboard. Luckily, I have a husband who reigns me in and doesn't let me go too crazy. Otherwise the outside of this house would look like a haunted attraction.

This is our first year trick or treating in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood was hopping. Landon went as Optimus Prime and Harper was a kitty. I dressed up as a witch this year. After we came home we ended up having 30 trick or treaters, and I quit answering the door after 730. The streets were crazy until about 9. The kids got a lot of goodies. Josh and I stole some of their candy. Shh. We even took Lola. I didn't get many pics because it was so dark out. I hope you and yours had a great Halloween. I am looking forward to this month and Thanksgiving!!

Here are some pics from the past month..

A tough month

I was laying in bed last night trying to think of funny things to tweet. I need funny right now. My mind has been so busy over thinking and worrying that I just haven't gotten much sleep lately.

It's been a tough month. 

My miscarriage started in mid September. By the beginning of October I was still miscarrying. It had been three weeks since the process first started and I was miserable. I didn't have the best of care from my doctor and I was at my wits end when they finally called asking for a follow up appointment. I happily made the appointment. I just wanted it all to be over with. I had been living on a cocktail of pain meds and 800mg ibuprofen around the clock for three weeks. It was taking its toll on me. If you've never had a miscarriage (I hope you never do) it literally feels like labor. Around the clock, non stop labor. Some women have it easier, but for me it was hell. At my appointment the doctor said a D&C was my best option at this point. So we scheduled surgery for the next week. 

Luckily, my parents came down to help because Josh had to work during the shutdown. Getting someone to take his spot for that day would take a miracle. So thankful for my parents. 

The drugs they give you right before surgery are magical. I said some things to my mom that I am quite embarrassed about now. Surgery went well. I was retaining placenta tissue and my body was having a hard time getting rid of everything. My pregnancy symptoms were even coming back. So it was a good thing I had the procedure. I feel 100 times better now. 

I am very apprehensive about getting pregnant in the future. I am terrified. I want another child so bad, but I am so afraid of going through this again. I have put it in God's hands. Just because I have had one miscarriage doesn't mean I will go on to have another. I have two healthy children. I am trying to look on the bright side. This has been emotionally draining. To top it off, I have a very sick grandpa who has been in and out of the hospital this year. 2013 has not been great, but I am looking towards the future and a promising new year. I am glad Halloween is coming and I can focus on the upcoming holidays. 

With all that being said.. I leave you with a beautiful picture of my two kids. It isn't perfect. They don't cooperate with me when I get my camera out, but they are perfect in my eyes. Good thing I got this picture on my computer when I did. My dog ate my sd card. That sounds like a sad country song. I should have tweeted that. 

X

Loss

The one thing we all fear while pregnant has happened to me. About a week ago I started bleeding, and on Monday I lost the baby.

I am devastated. I am sad. I am angry. I am scared. I am all kinds of emotions right now. The only way to fully get out how I feel is to write about it.

I feel like miscarriage is such a taboo topic that no one really speaks about it. One in four women have had a miscarriage and yet you don't hear about it much. My heart is broken. I have been cut to the core over the loss of our 3rd child. I don't even know how to move on. I am terrified to try to get pregnant again. I don't want to go through this again. I know another pregnancy would cause me so much anxiety that I don't know how I would deal with it.

This has been a very painful experience both emotionally and physically. I would compare the pain to the pain I felt while in labor with Harper. It has been that intense. I have had days of no pain and then all of a sudden the pain is back again. It's like being on a roller coaster, but there is no reward in the end. 

The only thing I take comfort in is that I know my baby is in heaven with my grandparents and with Jesus. I am leaning on God as much as possible. My husband and family has been amazing during this terrible time. We have decided to try again for a baby once I get the go ahead from my doctor. Right now I am just trying to rest and get through this as well as I can. 

All I can ask is that if you read this send up some prayers for me and my family. We could really use all the extra love and prayers at this time.